mortal & venial sins?

I grew up catholic, and I thought about mortal and venial sins like every other catholic I knew.

Whether or not it was according to official catholic teachings, it's what we thought and believed.

I had grown up believing that mortal sins were much worse, and once I committed one, I was no longer in a "state of grace".

That meant to me that if I died before going to confession, and receiving absolution, I would go straight to hell.

However, if I made it to confession, I would be back in a state of grace.

Venial sins, I believed, were not as bad as mortal sins, which still needed to be confessed.

But by committing them, I did not leave the state of grace, and if I died before confession, I would not go straight to hell.

However, I believed that instead of hell, I would need to go to purgatory, to suffer to purge my sins.

Now, since I heard the gospel, and was saved, trusting Jesus, I no longer believe what I believed as a catholic.

I now believe the scriptures, like:

Revelation 1:5b Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood,

That is so much better than when I was catholic, where I constantly went back and forth.

I went back and forth between going to heaven, but then by a mortal sin, back going to hell.

It was a terrifying roller coaster, always fearing that I was no longer in a state of grace, and was on my way to hell, again.

I couldn't even go one day, let alone a whole week, where I was damned again, because I sinned.

I was not able to, in my mind, to simply reclassify my mortals sins, as venial sins, or just errors - no, I knew I had sinned.

Maybe some were able do that, and thus not constantly fear they were no longer in a state of grace, damned again.

Then when I was witnessed to, I was told of the grace and mercy of God.

That Jesus didn't want me to live as a spiritual yo-yo, on my way to heaven today, but damned again tomorrow, over and over again.

But such is the way of Cain that so many catholics live under, a spiritual bondage of constant fear, of dying while not in a state of grace.

How opposite that way of Cain is from the gospel.

Sin is sin, though:

James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.

There are not mortal & venial sins, there is just sin.

I cannot even drive the highway for 5 minutes, before I sin in my heart, with the pride of life.

Yes, Jesus wants me to confess to him and repent, and I do, sometimes hundreds of times in a day.

If I was still a catholic, I would go mad, because I would have to admit that 99% of the time I would be on my way to hell again.

Maybe some believe that they have reached sinless perfection, but I certainly haven't.

Maybe some don't consider pride of life, judging others, or self justification, as sins, but I do.

Once a catholic hears the gospel of the grace of God, and trusts Jesus as their Saviour,

it's very hard to convince them, that they re-damn themselves repeatedly through the day.

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