(again!)
It’s
very late Sat. night & I was just about to turn in –
then decided to come over here & try to fire up this E
X T R E M E L Y slow & gummed-up desktop
computer!!
Toby
(our incredibly precious dog!!) : he’s been bleeding
out his backend ever since April when a vet talked us into
an injection for his leg pain!!!! [I’ve always
held a great deal of resentment for going along with it …
plus guilt for shelving my brain to someone like
that!! In Toby’s case, “I KNEW BETTER”!! He’s
had waaaay too many chemicals put into his body & he
simply cannot handle more!!] Bleeding out the
rump started the next day. Some day worse than
others, but it’s never stopped.
ROLLER
COASTER!! B/c the last 2 days I thought (hoped
beyond hope!!) we were seeing a bit of light at the
end of the tunnel when I took away ALL animal protein
& went 100% vegetarian!! The bleeding subsided
(almost) to a light pink, and not much of it.
WOW, made me feel SO GOOD!!!! Thought we were
finally getting somewhere –
TILL
TODAY!!!!
Oh my word!! Absolutely 1 of his worst days
ever!!
Can’t
tell you how many times I’ve wiped his rear, cleaned it,
changed his pads….. this is pretty much routine for
me and to say I’m exhausted is putting it
mildly!!!! I get very little else done
(cleaning/organizing, just keeping up with life at
all…..) I push myself beyond limits till finally I’m
a blubbery, teary mess……collapsing into a heap of
exhaustion.
Interesting,
that just when the leg isn’t bothering him nearly as bad –
yet he may possibly leave this earth over this other
issue!!
If it’s
time for him to depart, I understand, (though I don’t like
it) but I understand, b/c after all he’s 13 and
a half. (though honestly to look at him &
see his mannerisms – he sometimes literally acts like he’s
TWO!!!!) and those BRIGHT
eyes –
he still enjoys life in spite of all this other
mess!!!! So we absolutely cannot put him down unless
it comes down to no other choice.
WILL
GOD ANSWER MY PRAYER though? That when it’s Toby’s
time, He will take him “gently & peacefully” one night
while he’s sleeping?? I don’t know. I “try” to
hang onto promises like those who delight themselves in
the Lord will be given desires of their hearts.
ADMIT
though, between this, and all the other BEYOND horrendous
stuff I’ve had to deal with for over 2 years now – I have
times when I question!!! ….. a LOT!!! In fact,
I’ve been through a lot in life (as most of us have)
yet these past 2 years you could say I’ve had a crisis of
faith. I am still believing!! I am still
hanging on!! Fortunately I have a stubborn streak
that won’t allow me to let go of the One I chose &
promised to follow!!
If we
can’t have things turn out the way we hope & request
though, then why are we told to even pray about it??
/no answer needed….. just things I wonder about…..
Back to
our sweet, sweet boy: I’m asking (if it’s the Lord’s
will) that Toby can be healed once again!!
This is my hope & desire. Toby has an anal tumor
and the rear bleeds b/c of it, though to be honest, I am
really suspecting tail cancer b/c it bleeds there,
too. With his old FRAIL body, there is absolutely
NOOOO WAY he would make it through surgery!!! So I
have no choice but to rely on the Lord, and treat
holistically as possible. He cannot even as much as
have any antibiotics AT ALL…. Or else he bleeds everywhere
& cripples him. He’s truly had too many
chemicals put into his body.
And my
secondary request is….. if the Lord chooses to take our
Toby, that it will not be in a tragic way – like that one
last trip to the vet, knowing he won’t be coming home with
us. I’m one to PRE-grieve, and I feel the pain
deeply!!! I’m afraid it will throw me into
shock so much that I may even faint!! Yes, I’m
serious.
Maybe
some people would think that’s loving a dog “too
much” but I’d say you haven’t met Toby!! Good as
gold!! And I often tell him to be leading the pack
when I get to heaven!!
Anyway,
…… well what more can I say?
Other
than just THANKS for caring enough to take a few seconds
of your time mentioning us to The Throne!!
Reva
P.S……
so with all the beyond CRAZY & EVIL news stories
happening in the world: I know there will always be
certain ones who will question my caring so deeply over a
dog!! Guess you simply have to be a dog lover to
truly understand!!! They make you happier and keep
you grounded with their fierce love &
loyalty!! Some of the happiest days of
my life have been since this “blessing” was brought into
our lives!!!
And
P.S. to you Derrick: I continue to pray for
your “hurt”, confusion, rejection you must have been
feeling over the past couple months!!!! I’m
sorry they (she) made such false accusations – but listen,
wear it like a badge!! I got booted from rapture
ready some 15 years ago….. by the very people I’d broken
bread with in person!!!!! Several times in
fact. Even drove ‘em all over the city in my car.
Yeah, I cried. I had been at rapture ready
from its inception BEFORE THEY HAD ANY MODERATORS AT
ALL!!!!!!
Much
less liberal loony ones who claimed a gay person who
worked at a girly ahem, “gift store” was Christian…. Just
b/c he claimed to “believe” in Jesus!! Todd,
with a watchful eye, must have finally gotten a clue – b/c
within a year, he booted the ones who booted me.
But
just sayin’ Brother!! Just keep on keeping on,
one step at a time, moving forward and know you left with
a clear conscience!! I’m sorry for the
wrestling/wrangling. But know what? Our Father
SAID WE’D HAVE DAYS LIKE THIS!!!!!
AMEN!!
LORD,
CAN WE COME HOME NOW?????