Musings once again:

Sunday night I struggled very hard throughout the night for air. I could feel fluid down in the middle between both lung area. I was near ready to call "Uncle" and call for help. But, the admonishment from my Primary Doctor was to stay out of the hospital and come to the clinic. I toughed it out instead and in the early morning took my Albuterol to help find air. I will say it is a bit harder to do that so when see my Oncologist I will ask for help to get the small oxygen carry around with you tank to ensure I am more comfortable.

In greeting folks the other day, I, as always, ask how they are doing before they ask me. I am quick on the draw that way so that I am not the cause of a singular focus and that they matter just as much as I. One responded, "well, I am better than you are". It made me think later about that as is that really true?

When the doctors told me of what I am now presently dealing with regarding my heart, Aorta being twisted and bristling, right lung having a part of it now non-functioning, constant fluid battle, Parkinson's disease, and still having seizures, though not quite so visible, you would think that statement to be true. However, since the Doctors want me to stay out of the hospitals, as a hands off approach, I am more at peace than ever as I feel more in the center of God's will. It's like being in the eye of a hurricane where there is calm and a sense of no storm raging, but you know others are dealing with the hurricane winds, rain and more as it rages on.

This peace is beyond human comprehension I think as I sense God's protection, God carrying me through this. After all, God is the Great Physician, the Healer and Deliverer. What am I to fear? My "Earth suit" may be failing quicker to the eyes watching on, but the real me is more alive than ever. I am not fearing what is ahead, nor am I of these diseases that are in my body. My mind, my soul, my heart is so much more alive and feeling that I can safely say, I just may be doing better than you.

Patty