Gino,I really appreciate your openness and honesty in your post of 16 June ("Help and advice needed" http://www.fivedoves.com/letters/june2019/gino616-3.htm).The first thing I will say to you is that this dilemma is a good indication that you are walking closer to God than before. One cannot walk close to God (in the Light) without seeing one's own defects, as revealed by the Light. The closer one walks to God, the more our defects become distressingly apparent. Do not let this hinder you or cause you confusion.Second, this falls right in line with the battle Paul wrote of in Romans, the conflict between wanting to do right because you know what is right, and wanting to do your own (carnal) thing. The "old man" does not like to lay down quietly and give up without a fight. Remember that Paul also wrote of having to kill (subjugate) the "old man" daily.I would like to remind you of the Mosaic (Old Testament, ceremonial Law) sacrifices. In most cases the offered animal was slain and then presented as a sacrifice on the brazen altar. Paul wrote that we are to present our bodies a "living" sacrifice. Remember this: living sacrifices tend to want to crawl off the altar. Also remember the covenant sacrifice Abraham made to God. After gathering and sacrificing the animals required by God, Abraham arranged the pieces on the altar and then shooed the birds of prey away until he fell into a deep sleep. (See Genesis 15.) The point I am trying to make is that there is effort on our part. And God has a part, also. A covenant that is one-sided is no covenant.What does it mean to submit to God? Think of this in terms of a marital relationship. Would a faithful wife make all the choices in the family without first consulting with her husband? I think not. Unless the husband gave her such freedom. And even then she would communicate clearly to her husband what her thoughts and intents were before carrying through with the resultant actions. She would do this because she reveres and trusts her husband. And he trusts her or else he would not grant such freedom.Submission to God, then, is a yielding of our will to His will. "What is Your will in this matter, Father?" Our desires must be to please Him. At all times. And in every situation. Our humanity will frequently try to interfere. But we must continuously kill the "old man" and return him to the altar. God doesn't choose perfect people. He perfects the people He chooses.Your final questions I cannot answer with any certainty because I cannot see the intent of your heart. Only God can do that. Address these questions to God. He is a wonderful Daddy. Worthy of our constant trust. He will not lead you astray.Finally, you may find it very beneficial to pray that God will give you the wisdom, strength, and grace necessary to align (yield) your will to His will. He has your best interests at heart!"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1 - 3, NIV.God Bless,Don