My heart was watching this past new year's eve, as a number of others were.  There seemed to be a number of things pointing to this as a strong possibility for us finally going home.  Yet, that high watch time has come and gone.

Now?  I am thinking that with the Jubilee ending this coming Nisan 1, that is the end of the window of possibilities for us, between now and then.  After that, I am at a total loss.

Some believe Nisan 1 comes at the sighting of the new moon around March 16.  In my mind, it could be April 16-ish, depending on when the year is to start.

Another timing marker is April 1.  It would be the ending of 49 years since a decree was made by the Israeli government to restore/rebuild Jerusalem on April 1, 1969. (I am thinking in terms of the 70 weeks of Daniel and a way to see it as applicable to these last days.) However, I am thinking I must focus on the jewish calendar for this anniversary.  In 1969, it was around/near passover.  So, will that 49 years close on this year's passover in March or April?  Until the year begins on God's calendar, I do not know which will be the valid end mark.

Additionally, I observed in Daniel 10 that Daniel was mourning.  He humbled himself and fasted for the first 21 days of the year (Nisan 1 through the end of the Feast of Unleavened Bread).  Then, his fast was ended, still without an answer.  Three days later Jesus, I believe, showed up and laid out to Daniel a description of conflicts soon to come around Israel, affecting them.

The text does not explain why Daniel was mourning in such a deep way.  Cyrus was in power, the 70 years of Jeremiah were up, and from what I understand, Cyrus was supporting jews going back to the land.

I speculate that Cyrus might not have wanted Daniel to go back to Jerusalem, for some reason, and ordered him to stay.  Daniel was seeking God as to why his heart's longing was denied.  Daniel had been "watching" for when he would finally get to go home.

I am theorizing that we might see this 21 days of mourning (Nisan 1 -21) play out amongst Jews in the near future.  It might start right after we are taken home and they realize that they were not taken.  This will happen just as the Jubilee ends this year?  Might the two witnesses be sent from the throne room to meet with the mourning remnant (a recently gathered 144,000?), to reveal themselves to them on the 24th of Nisan?  like when Jesus met with Daniel?

I do not know.

To me, April, and even March, feel a long way away.  Too long.

Leading up to this new year's eve high watch time, it seemed Jesus was also pressing me with this, "If you do not simply enjoy and rest in being with Me day by day down here, will you enjoy just being with Me once I bring you home?"

It is easy for me to get by in my life by the activity of watching prophetic events and timing markers unfold, and yes, also anticipating finally getting out of here, yet do all of this without simply resting in the presence of Jesus day by day, enjoying Him as my dearest friend.

Out of love for us, Jesus is jealous for us to rest our hearts only in the One with Whom we are now in intimate union.  This is truly what is best for us.  He gets that we want to go home.  Nothing wrong with that.  But it is easy for me to long for a change of circumstances and getting a new body, without enjoying Him today.

I do not like people relating to me as only a means to an end, or using me simply to get what they want, yet have no desire for any true friendship.  They only like me because of what I do for them.  How they esteem me, with "fondness" and "favor" feels very hollow to me.

I think Jesus might feel the same way in this regard.

I want Jesus to see me as a friend who wants to know Him for who He is, and who enjoys simply being with Him no matter where the Father chooses for me to be in the created realms.

Sincerely,

Douglas Henney

PS

I wrote the following to a friend and felt there might be some benefit in presenting it in a post.

I wrote this as a follow up to what I expressed in my first post concerning "disappointment".

Over the past days/weeks, the Spirit keeps pressing me with the very thing that is your heart's focus.  (that of enjoying simply being with Jesus day by day)

I am convinced that the number one thing that is crushing the hearts of our brothers and sisters is that we do not know that Jesus deeply, passionately loves each of us.  It is not that we do not understand that Jesus does love us, but our hearts have a hard time truly embracing it.

Jesus gets it.  This is something that gets revealed to our very broken hearts over time, in small ways, gently.  When we get our new bodies, we will know His love with our whole being.

What happens amongst us watchers is that as we are getting clues, seeing things unfold, gaining insights from scripture, and sincerely anticipate a particular day, we are believing that "Yes!  I am hearing from Jesus!  He sees me and notices me and is speaking to me and I am hearing Him!"  Then, when the day comes and goes, all of this comes crashing down as well.  It is not just seeing the day come and go, but the crushing feeling that all you thought of as actually and finally hearing Jesus Himself was only a figment of your imagination.  

Then, the lies re-assert themselves, "You are on your own.  You are not noticed.  You cannot hear from Jesus.  Jesus does not really speak to you.  Your heart does not matter to Him.  You are not loved."

We long to have interactive friendship with Jesus.  This is why, in my opinion, watching is so brutal.

Yet Jesus does speak to us.  Yet, it is His Spirit to our spirit.  Yes, sometimes He speaks from His Spirit to our thoughts, yet I think He tends to not do this because it would set us up to be vulnerable to the evil one's minions manipulating us by using the same manner, of dark spirit to human thoughts.

So, the rollercoaster of watching is used by Jesus, in love, to teach us a difficult type of discernment, of recognizing His voice to us in our spirit.  Deep calls to deep.  This actually requires a lot of "trial and error".  Not easy.

What makes it even more "tricky" (but Jesus does not even break a sweat about this), is that we are one spirit with Him.  So, when he communicates to our spirit, it is like the revelation arises out of us.  Because it does. Yet it is Him.

From this Spirit revelation/intimacy, we then can somewhat accurately attach thoughts from our soul, responding back to Jesus.  Yet all of this is nested/cradled in the Spirit of Jesus where our spirit is consumed in Him.  It is not our soul's response that is the "essence" of communing with Jesus but the Spirit to spirit.

Words will not capture the essence/reality of this.  I am grouping for words even now in trying to explain this.  But I believe you will "get" where I am coming from because you will receive it and already know this in your spirit/Spirit, though Jesus may convey to you a different core aspect of what I am trying to express.  You are a different member of the body.  I am not implying that you are to embrace what I am trying to convey as if this is from Jesus, through me, to you.  In a given moment that might take place but that is not to be a rule by any means.

The fun mystery of union.